4 Tips to Engage Anyone in Conversation

Having a conversation with anyone can be difficult, especially if they are a total stranger or if you tend to be naturally quiet or introverted. I want to share with you four easy ways to engage absolutely anyone in a conversation that they will remember and leave them feeling like you truly care about them. These tips are simple, but as a good friend of mine always says, "It's easy to do, but it's also easy not to do." You need to practice these things, just like any skill you want to improve. And if you do, the effort will pay off. So let's look at the tips now.

Tip #1: People's favorite topic is themselves. I have never met anyone who didn't like to talk about what they care about, what they are good at, or their hopes and dreams. The legendary Dale Carnegie, in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," says it this way: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to make people interested in you." If you only talk to people about the things you like or the things you know, they will very quickly infer that you care much more about yourself and your interests than theirs. Too many of us spend too much of our conversations trying to convince someone else that they should like the things we like, that they end up disliking us. Revered leadership expert John Maxwell states, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." There will be a time to talk about you and your interests. In fact, people will ask you what you care about if you will first take the time and effort to talk to them about who they are and what they care about.

Tip #2: Ask open-ended questions. So what does this mean? There are essentially two categories of questions: closed and open. Closed questions only require someone to answer with a yes or no, or some other direct single word. When a parent asks their child, "Are you hungry?" That is a closed question. Closed questions have great importance in many business settings or even emergencies or stressful situations. However, in casual conversations, they are very poor at engaging others. Open questions invite the other person to open up and answer questions however they want to. And if you intentionally follow tip number one, and you ask them an open question about something they care about, you don't have to say very much for them to walk away thinking you are an amazing conversationalist. So, what are some great examples of open-ended questions? Instead of asking "Do you like to play golf?" say something like, "What you like to do in your free time?" And just in case you forget and you do ask a closed question, a great follow up to a one word answer is something as simple as, "Wow, tell me more about that." Again, if you apply tip one, tip two will really get others to open up.

Tip #3: People love to hear the sound of their own name. This may sound trivial or even a bit childish, but it's very true and very powerful. There is something almost intoxicating to someone when you take the time to remember their name and say it back to them. This can be especially effective when you see the person a second time and are able to recall their name. Hearing someone say our name implies that they care about us and that we were important enough for them to remember. There are tons of tips and tricks out there to help you remember peoples names, so try them and pick some that work for you. People will be impressed and flattered every time you call them by their name.

Tip 4: Always smile and have a positive demeanor. There is nothing more off-putting than trying to have a conversation with someone who never smiles or laughs, or complains all the time. Our world is in dire need of positive and encouraging people. Simply by carrying a positive demeanor into a conversation and smiling, people will be drawn to you and will immediately see you as more kind, trusting, and interesting. I'm not sure why this works the way it does, but try it for 30 days and you will be blown away by the impact a simple smile can have on those that you interact with.

As I said, it's not always easy to carry on a conversation with someone and sometimes it can be downright painful. However, if you consistently apply these four tips, you will find that your conversations are more fun and you will quickly become known as someone who is easy to talk to. Positive relationships can't exist without effective communication, and holding engaging conversations with others will help take you to that goal.